Trike 23

Trike 23
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So that was the summer, was it? What was it that Meatloaf said? “Life is a lemon and I want my money back”

Now I’m aware that we, as a species, have thoroughly bolloxed up the planet and raised global temperatures worldwide by pumping out thousands of tonnes of greenhouse gases into the atmosphere (yeah, I know, some of that was me… look, I keep meaning to get new valve stem seals, but you know how it is when the thing’s still working…) but, surely, we should have better weather ’cos of it, not worse?

I mean, if the planet’s getting ’otter, why aren’t we getting more sunshine? Why are we getting more rain? (I do know why, don’t write in, I’m only ranting.) Doesn’t seem fair, does it? Or logical? It is, I s’pose, a bit like the folk who spout on about Creationism, how the Earth is only 6,000 years old… and then fill up their cars with fossil fuels that took millions of years to be made naturally by the planet. “Ah, but God put it there”, they’d say. Well, if that’s the case, can you get him to put some more there then, as we’re running out…

So, given that the world’s weather, and particularly its seasons, are as pissed as a handcart, I’ve decided to revise the way I look at the year. Now, I reckon, winter is December to March (occasionally April); spring is April(ish) to the end of July; summer is a week and a bit in May, ten days or so in August and an unspecified number of days in September; and autumn is the rest of it. Okay, so that might be a little difficult to put on a calendar, but that’s not my problem, is it? I’m not a trained calendarologist (or something), I’m just a bloke with 450-odd words to write in a trike magazine editorial column who can’t really think of anything else to write about.

And on that note, I feel a cuppa calling my name. Anyone got any choccie biccies? What? I know I’m a diabetic, I’ll only have one…